Navigating Solo Parenting: Coping with Repeated Realities and Finding Freedom

I stumbled upon an article last night while browsing the internet, and it has been on my mind from then until now, so I've decided to put pen to paper, I mean put fingers to keyboard. The author of this article (article was on easy peasy kids website which I can't access at this moment as my computer keeps screaming at me that a threat had been detected) was saying that she felt sorry for single parents (and in this instance she was referring to those parents who are doing it solo when their spouse or partner is away on business for any period of time). The gist of the article was that she felt sorry for them because they have to accept this reality every single time that parent leaves, however, a solo parent only had to accept that reality once. I've been thinking about this all night, and I just can't get that little voice out of my head reminding me that I might still be holding on to a little bit of hope that the absent parent will one day reappear in the life of my son. So, can we take a moment to acknowledge those solo parents that might still be holding on to the hope of one day not being a solo parent?The ones that might be spending countless sleepless nights dreaming of a future where there are no longer solo,only to wake up each day, week, month or year and confront this stark reality repeatedly? 

As a solo parent grappling with the persistent hope that the absent parent might re-enter my child's life, the emotional rollercoaster is downright overwhelming...funny how I've never said this aloud before. So how have I been coping with this for almost seven years now? I just get up each day and focus on making this the very best day possible for my son. Once I see his little face in the morning I am reminded of my why and for many hours later I don't even remember ever having those dreams. In addition, I feel the way forward for me will be in following these three steps:

Grounding In Reality

Setting realistic expectations, something I seem to not be doing, maybe writing about this will help me to manage and set proper realistic expectations. Now that I am writing it aloud, I see how these feelings and emotions might be holding me back from healing and getting closure. While holding onto hope is natural, it's essential to be realistic as well, am I holding myself back from healing. The first step in this process for me will be recognizing that the absent parent's return is not going happen, and I need to focus on providing stability and support for myself and my child in the present. I need to lean into this idea.

Accept and Grieve

As with any dream or hope that does not come to fruition, it is normal to feel sadness. This is OKAY! I will not bury this sadness in my drawer that is already full to overflowing with regrets and what ifs, it is important that I process this sadness. Allow myself the space to grieve the loss of that which I have desired and understand that I and the love I have for my child is enough. I believe that this is one of the reasons I am starting this blog, it's my outlet for my emotional drawer. It's time to empty the drawer, the time is right. So, if you too are holding on to unrealistic expectations, my advice to you would be to think about starting a journal, a blog, talking to a trusted friend, or seeking professional support. These can be great outlets for processing, accepting and grieving these emotions.

Release

Letting go will not be an easy process but this will happen over time, it has to be right? Can we continue to hold on to these dreams into eternity, what will our lives be if we do not learn to release? Releasing might involve releasing expectations or releasing dreams of a different kind of life and embracing the present. Maybe I need to recognize that my worth as a parent and as an individual are not contingent on the return of this person. What if our dreams, when they finally become reality, are not even the right thing for us anyway? That absent parent might not be what is best for the child, what if having that person present deteriorates the quality of life for me and my child? These are all questions I need to ponder for me to release those dreams and lean into reality. Embrace the freedom that comes with accepting and appreciating the life you are creating for yourself and your child.

Remember, you are not alone in navigating these complex emotions, I am here, there is a community out there willing to embrace and support you. Seek the support you need, practice self-compassion, and gradually, you will find the strength to let go and embrace the path of freedom and fulfillment in your solo parenting journey.

You can see my previous blog post on Tips for Solo Parents